I swear on everything that “Ive seen it all.” As I was checking my email today I came across a Groupon for the neoteric “Boyfriend or Girlfriend Snuggle Pillows”. The manufacturer of the pillow boasts that, the “snuggly arm pillow emulates the feeling of cuddling a sleeping companion without the snoring and tossing. Really? What about breathing? I personally like it when my snuggle bunny inhales and exhales a few times during the night. Also, a pulse is kind of sexy too.
So, I suppose that this is the nicer, more gallant/proper version of a good old-fashioned blow-up doll! I guess these cuddle bugs will not only hold you in their corpse-like “arm”, they will stay the night as well! If only the damn thing could serve its companion breakfast in bed!
If you think I’m kidding come in closer for a few tantalizing visuals…
- No head, missing an arm, no “goo goo”, and no legs. Never has being held by half a decapitated torso been so emotionally fulfilling!
- Looks like “Mama” might like to give a little spanky-spank! Who’s been a bad boy?
- Yeah, it’s got some dirty pillows to rest your naughty head on!
- “Dirty Bastard! Are you fondling my breast?!”
Now I get that we all have needs, particularly us gals. But come to think of it, I’ve never heard a man tell me he “just needs to be held”. However, I respect that the demented soul that invented these “gentle lovers” had the moxie to target both a male and female audience. Will this be a hit sensation? I don’t know…but I’m NOT willing to spend $20 (Groupon or no Groupon) to find out!
I consider myself to be a kind, compassionate woman who is “very” in touch with each and every one of my many complex feelings and flowery emotions. However, not only would I not be caught dead with one of these, I would laugh my fool ass off at “any” person who kept company with one…even if it was just a one-night stand! In short, I feel traumatized and altogether flabbergasted!
Oh, and to be fair to the life-partner pillow people, I thought I’d go ahead and bust out with the prices and list of INCREDIBLE features (GAG)!:
Boyfriend and Girlfriend Arm Pillows
Microbead- or polyester-filled men’s or women’s torsos and arms embrace whoever snuggles into the Boyfriend or Girlfriend Arm Pillows. The pillow provides a sense of comfort during winter nights or roller-coaster drops, and keeps dreams from being interrupted by snoring or tossing. The machine-washable body pillows can also function as a neck roll or be used to beat back a single bogeyman who emerged from the closet with a dozen dead roses.
Features
- Soft polyester- or microbead-filled arm pillow contoured like a man or woman’s torso
- Boyfriend pillow includes removable microfiber shirt for quicker washing and pinup-calendar shoots
- Makes a perfect snuggle pillow
- Dimensions for the microbead Girlfriend arm pillow: 18” x 14” x 4”
- Dimensions for the microbead Boyfriend arm pillow: 17” x 15.5” x 6”
- Dimensions for the fiberfill Boyfriend pillows: 22″ x 20″ x 4″
The Deal
- $20 for a microbead Girlfriend arm pillow ($29.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $39.90 total)
- $20 for a microbead Boyfriend arm pillow ($34.95 list price) plus shipping ($7.95 value; $42.90 total)
- $25 for a fiberfill Boyfriend pillow ($44.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $54.90 total). Choose from the following color options: blue, yellow, red, or black.
All Things to All People: Confessions of a Baby Mama 
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