A Blow-Up Doll With Manners and a Sensitive Side?

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I swear on everything that “Ive seen it all.”  As I was checking my email today I came across a Groupon for the neoteric “Boyfriend or Girlfriend Snuggle Pillows”.  The manufacturer of the pillow boasts that, the “snuggly arm pillow emulates the feeling of cuddling a sleeping companion without the snoring and tossing.  Really?  What about breathing?  I personally like it when my snuggle bunny inhales and exhales a few times during the night.  Also, a pulse is kind of sexy too.

So, I suppose that this is the nicer, more gallant/proper version of a good old-fashioned blow-up doll!  I guess these cuddle bugs will not only hold you in their corpse-like “arm”, they will stay the night as well!  If only the damn thing could serve its companion breakfast in bed!

If you think I’m kidding come in closer for a few tantalizing visuals…

No head, missing an arm, no “goo goo”, and no legs. Never has being held by half a decapitated torso been so emotionally fulfilling!
Looks like “Mama” might like to give a little spanky-spank! Who’s been a bad boy?
Yeah, it’s got some dirty pillows to rest your naughty head on!
“Dirty Bastard! Are you fondling my breast?!”

Now I get that we all have needs, particularly us gals.  But come to think of it, I’ve never heard a man tell me he “just needs to be held”.  However, I respect that the demented soul that invented these “gentle lovers” had the moxie to target both a male and female audience.  Will this be a hit sensation?  I don’t know…but I’m NOT willing to spend $20 (Groupon or no Groupon) to find out!

I consider myself to be a kind, compassionate woman who is “very” in touch with each and every one of my many complex  feelings and flowery emotions.  However, not only would I not be caught dead with one of these, I would laugh my fool ass off at “any” person who kept company with one…even if it was just a one-night stand!  In short, I feel traumatized and altogether flabbergasted!

 

Oh, and to be fair to the  life-partner pillow people, I thought I’d go ahead and bust out with the prices and list of INCREDIBLE features (GAG)!:

Boyfriend and Girlfriend Arm Pillows

Microbead- or polyester-filled men’s or women’s torsos and arms embrace whoever snuggles into the Boyfriend or Girlfriend Arm Pillows. The pillow provides a sense of comfort during winter nights or roller-coaster drops, and keeps dreams from being interrupted by snoring or tossing. The machine-washable body pillows can also function as a neck roll or be used to beat back a single bogeyman who emerged from the closet with a dozen dead roses.

Features
  • Soft polyester- or microbead-filled arm pillow contoured like a man or woman’s torso
  • Boyfriend pillow includes removable microfiber shirt for quicker washing and pinup-calendar shoots
  • Makes a perfect snuggle pillow
  • Dimensions for the microbead Girlfriend arm pillow: 18” x 14” x 4”
  • Dimensions for the microbead Boyfriend arm pillow: 17” x 15.5” x 6”
  • Dimensions for the fiberfill Boyfriend pillows: 22″ x 20″ x 4″

The Deal

  • $20 for a microbead Girlfriend arm pillow ($29.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $39.90 total)
  • $20 for a microbead Boyfriend arm pillow ($34.95 list price) plus shipping ($7.95 value; $42.90 total)
  • $25 for a fiberfill Boyfriend pillow ($44.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $54.90 total). Choose from the following color options: blue, yellow, red, or black.

-Ava

About Ava Elizabeth Wisdom

Greetings Beloved, I am a 41-year old single mother of two boys. I was a stripper for almost a decade and have lived the kind of life that parallels something you'd see in a movie. I not only partied like a rock star, I literally partied with rock stars. I stopped dancing in 2000 and began college when my oldest was 4. Shortly after turning my life back over to the Lord and beginning my academic career at the university, my precious mother, a former Fort Worth Police officer committed suicide. When I found her, she had been dead for 3 days. I did her hair, make-up, got her dressed, and had her nails filled for her viewing and funeral. In spite of my appearance and way with men, I have never been married. Rejection and abandonment have seemed to define me since conception when my biological father deserted my mother as soon as he found out she was carrying me. I am a recovering co-dependent with a heart so big that I have to be cautious so that I don't exhaust myself in focusing on and giving to others. I was a very angry child who grew up in a violent, dysfunctional home so I haven't always loved others from the depths of my heart. However, after the loss of my loved ones, I learned that time is fleeting and that you never know when you're going to see someone for the last time. So now, I am quick to love others and strive to maximize each second that I have with the ones I love. In spite of my sin and my struggles with men, drugs, and alcohol, my faith defines me. I could never deny Christ because at the times of my life when I had everything stripped away I could literally feel Him with me. I love to write and pray that this blog will inspire you and draw you closer to the heart of God. Ava Elizabeth Wisdom

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