Greetings Beloved,

I am a 39-year old single mother of two boys.  I was a stripper for 10 years but am now, by the Grace of God, and after teaching high school for 6 years, am working for a major airline.  I stopped dancing in 2000 and began college when my oldest was 4.   Shortly after turning my life back over to the Lord and beginning college, my precious mother, a former Fort Worth Police officer committed suicide. In a matter of two years I lost 9 members of my family, namely my mother, my grandmother, and my grandfather. 

In spite of my appearance and way with men, I have never been married.  Rejection and abandonment have been themes in my life since conception when my biological father deserted my mother as soon as he found out she was carrying me. 

I am a classic co-dependent with a heart so big that I exhaust myself sometimes in focusing on and giving to others.   I was a very angry child who grew up in a violent, dysfunctional home so I haven’t always loved others from the depths of my heart.   However, after the loss of my loved ones, I learned that time is fleeting and that you never know when you’re going to see someone for the last time.   So now, I am quick to love others and strive to maximize each second that I have with the ones I love.

In spite of my sin and my struggles, my faith defines me.   I could never deny Christ because at the times of my life when I had “everything” stripped away I could feel Him there with me.

I love to write and pray that this blog will give you insight into the world of faith-based single parenting and that the journey that we embark on will inspire you and draw you closer to the heart of God.

Blessings,

Ava Elizabeth Wisdom

44 responses »

  1. Both of my sisters raised their children successfully as single parents. I pray a multitude of blessings over you and your boys. 🙂 —————————————————–> that picture is hysterical!!!!

    • It’s no easy task, friend… But God is the head of this household. We are poor financially right now, but we are rich beyond measure with love. God bless you for your prayers, Arlene. I pray that God will bless you too. Thank you for the encouragement. It means more than you’ll ever know!

  2. PeeWee Herman says everybody has a big but…but I think the biggest and best “but” is “but God!”…just ask Lazarus. Mary Magdelene. The woman at the well. The woman caught in the act of adultery. Peter. John. Zacceus. The Roman Centurion. May we all experience “but God…”

    • Well you’re right. But now you’ve got me thinking of actual butts. I personally am wearing a pair of “Booty Pops” right now. I own 6 pair of them. They make me look like I have more junk in my trunk. Nothin’ like a good ba-donk-a-donk. LOL!!!

    • Here’s my response. I replied to your message, but wasn’t sure you’d see it any time soon. Oh Lord, we’re both challenged! hehe Love you too, my sister/friend! 🙂

      “Precious Ava…you are without words? You did an absolutely perfect job expressing your heart. There have been several women I’ve come across “in space” who just touch me…it seems like I know them. You’re a scrapper, a fighter, beautifully imperfect but ever striving and you love the Lord with all your heart. You exude it. I love your faith…it strengthens mine and you have a beautiful, FUNNY way with words. Being new to blogging, I would have to say I’m pretty technically challenged myself (we sound like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles) so I have no idea if we could post privately. You could always send me an email at arlene53787@aol.com. As I typed this I wondered if you’ll ever see it unless you purpose to check, although if you clicked below “post comment” to the box that says “notify me of follow-up…” you will get it..okay, now I’m rambling:)

      I look forward to getting to know you, sis and will continue to lift you up as you keep me lifted up. You’ve not left my heart. He loves you…He loves me! We’re His daughters!! He perfects all that concerns us! Continue to be led by His Spirit, Ava and apply His wisdom which is pure and peaceable, to all. I will too!

      Big love!!! xo”

    • That link just takes me to your blog. Oh my starts I don’t know how to do this! LOL! BAH!!! I want to display it “proudly”….but I don’t know how!!! Wish we had a technical support department to call!

  3. Hi Ava. It seems we have a few similarities in our early lives. I was extremely abused for the first 22 years of my life (full details under ‘my life story’ on my blog).

    I’m looking forward to getting to know you.

    We serve an amazing God!

      • Ava, I certainly understand when life sits on your pen and keeps you from wanting to write. I’ve been there. It will come back when you are ready… in the meantime, focus on your priorities. Read some of my blog entries when you can. They are written for people like you and me. 🙂

  4. YOU are amazing. Strong and powerful by the grace of God. It’s women like you and my mom who lovingly choose to bring people like me into the world. Thank you for listening to that little voice. My mom often referred to herself as Mary Magdalen and I believe she (Mary Magdalen) was one of the most precious people to Jesus. I have so much admiration for single mothers who were never married. I am married with three kids and I don’t know how strong I would be if I had to do it on my own… Thank you for being stronger than most women these days 🙂 I will pray for your family, that He blesses you each day with encouragement and anything else you need. Joanna Lynn

    • Sweet Joanna,

      We moms are as strong as we “have” to be. You could do it to if you had to. The love that we have for our children is just all-consuming, isn’t it? We wear our hearts on the outsides of our bodies and we’d walk through hell and back to protect our babies. I know I would…and I know you would to. I don’t feel so strong sometimes, but you simply have to survive; not many choices are afforded. My house is a mess and completely out of order, but I know I can’t have everything as perfect as I’d like for it to be. I have other single-mom friends that are literally 10 times stronger than me…and often times their circumstances are 10 times worse. When we are weak God steps in and gives us what we need to make it. Don’t ever underestimate your strength, Beloved.

      It’s funny, because a while back my 16-year-son, who was obviously experiencing a dramatic surge in his testosterone levels was assiduously declaring to my youngest son that “He was the man of the house!” I almost had to tar and feather him at that point. I laughed and said, “Child! You are just 16! You are a child!” First of all, I want my son to enjoy his time as a kid, because we both know that youth is fleeting. Further I don’t want him, at such a young age to have to take on the burden of being the head of our household. Quite frankly, that was his father’s job. Next, I didn’t want to argue back with him insisting, “I am the head of THIS household!” I don’t want him to accept our circumstances as normal, even though in this day and age the American family is crumbling to pieces. It is my “firm” belief, regardless of my dominant personality traits, that God created a man to be the spiritual head of the household.

      With that, I quickly let him that there was a head to our household. It was him nor me. I let him know in that instant that “GOD” is the man of this house! He is the head of our household! And you know, when I look at things from this perspective, I really am not a single parent after all. Sure, I get a little bent with God sometimes when I’m lonely and, let’s face it, I “am” in my sexual prime! LOL! I tell God that I’m irritated with Him because He’s INVISIBLE! Dang it! I tell Him that, until I can sit in His lap and He can hold me in Heaven, “I’m gonna need some big, strong tangible arms and a pair of broad shoulder to hold me while I’m here on earth!” Oddly, I think He understands.

      And interestingly, I have often identified myself with Mary Magdalene too. I just love her. She’s a hooker and doesn’t give a “rip” what those dang Pharisees think of her! Not only does she crash the party and fall to Jesus’s feet to praise Him and wash His feet with her “hair”. She bathes His feet in her most expensive perfume that she treasured enough to carry around her neck in an alabaster jar. I think that was her good perfume, Joanna! I think her worship was precious, but I think of her giving up her perfume kind of like I think of the poor widow who gave her last two mites. Mary Magdalene gave, I believe, all she had to give and I believe it was worth the equivalent of a bottle of Gucci, Prada, or Chanel No 5!

      Thank you SO much for your encouragement and your prayers. There is nothing more precious that you could give to me. Things look bleak, but God is present. He is Abba, my “Daddy” and I am His baby girl. I think He loves me enough to give me a purple pony! And I know He’s not going to let the boys and I fall.

      PLEASE stay in touch, friend.

      All my love,
      Ava

  5. Thank you for visiting my blog…. if you had not, I surely would not have found yours. You have certainly been through a lot. Life is but a journey that we are all living, day by day.

    Thank you for exposing yourself and sharing with the world.

    Always,
    Me

    • Grandpappy Sky,

      Thank you for your sweet comment. I’ve been really down and out lately, so your timing was kind of amazing. And there’s something alluring about you. I’ve read some of your stuff but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. You seem to radiate peace or something. What’s your secret?

      Ava

      • The ocean’s currents run deep even when the surface appears calm. But I have learned that only by offering peace can I become peaceful. As I have said in some of my writings, we cannot win a war, until we win the peace. I could feel through your words, and had to reach out a hand. I can tell you still, you have been given an extraordinary gift, even if you don’t see it that way. Be gentle with yourself, you are walking in the light 😉

      • Oh, friend. I pray for peace… But if I’m being honest, I have no peace. I am at war with myself. I wish I had just one ounce of peace in my life. I’ve been so frantic for so long that I hardly remember what it’s like feeling peace.

        I have a feeling you see through all my junk. I wonder what you see. I wonder if you’d tell me. It’s just that when I think about you, my soul kind of quietens down a little bit. I feel like you have this great wisdom that I haven’t attained yet.

        Because of my dominant personality and because I have proven to be a person led all over hell and damnation by emotions, I think people are afraid to be candid with me.

        Pappaw Sky, hear me when I say that I “need” desperately for those around me to tell me what I need to hear…not what I want to hear. I can’t look in the mirror all day but I know that the reflection that I see isn’t accurate. So I need a soldier to boldly step up to the plate and call it like he or she sees it.

        Now you see something. What it is? And what is this extraordinary gift that I’ve been given. I don’t know what you mean. Will you elaborate?

        Love,
        Ava

      • Ava – You are on the threshold, your years – 39 or somewhere thereabouts is the threshold of questioning. It generally really starts about then. Not certain where to suggest you begin, but the thought that just came to me was “Bringer’s of the Dawn” by Barbara Marciniak – She is a channel, and while I don’t generall follow channels, I do think that almost all writing is, and that particular book is referenced in so many places it is hard to ignore.
        It is obvious you are overflowing with energy, and are struggling to channel it in away that brings you peace. Perhaps you have already read Eckhart Tolle’s book “The Power of Now” He is an amazing individual and a great soul. It is also available as a recording from Sounds True. I would also recommend anything from Clarissa Pinkola Estees, he books and especially here recording (again from Sounds true) are absolutely on target, Any of theses should start to make a difference for you. It’s not about changing others, it’s about aligning ourselves so other can see us as guideposts along the way. In My blog you might want to check out the short story I am working on called “The Great Divide” It’s about 1/3 of the way through. It’s a story about a similar situation. Rae has a spirit view, and Brandon is a scientist …. life changes them both, their love more of a force that binds their growth together. Most of all keep writing. It is the best mirror one could ever hope to find (unless of course you are a musician …). As far as that gift, you probably see it as a nightmare or dream you would rather forget … do you see?
        All the best – gfs

      • No! No! No! What’s wrong with me? I still can’t see the gift you’re referring to! Are you sure it wasn’t a “gift card”? LOL! JK! I can’t see it, Grandpappy Sky! 😦

      • Ava – so I almost let this slip until today when I saw your link on one of my posts, I guess I should just spell it out. Whether you see it as a gift of not, the struggle that you had, the fact that you had to / decided to / wanted to strip for a living is the gift I was referring to. Not many have the ability to go that far in life, to make it work, for what it was worth (plenty in dollars at the time I am sure) and then get out and be able to tell. Not many are bold enough to have that experience, and even though there are times I am sure you wish it never was, none the less it is, and you are a bolder, wiser, woman for it … Yes, I’ve been to clubs, and maybe you know that at times there were guys you just liked, and wondered why he was there … I once left a note for one of the girls at a club that said “we are all just drops in a deep blue ocean … some of them DO SPARKLE !!” I think I would have told you that too …Keep writing, you are doing fine —

      • Grandpappy, it’s so good to hear from you. And for the record I have no regrets about being an exotic dancer. I actually met some kind, intelligent men who simply became my friends. Thank you for your sweet words. I might attempt to write again in the near future! Thanks for checking in on me!

        Ava🌹

  6. Dear Ava,

    I’m not sure how to begin… I have been avoiding emailing you, honestly. The reason is I’ve been having an argument with God who KEEPS pulling at my heart almost daily. He asked me to tell you something and no word of a lie I say back “No. Absolutely. Not. I will not say that, it’s not my place. NOT in anyway, is it MY responsibility. If you want her to hear it, let her find it on her own. Please, Lord. I can’t do it. She’ll think I’m an idiot. She probably already knows about it and has her opinions. Plus, she may not like me. She’ll think I’m the same as every other pushy person who thinks they know best.” So you see – I don’t want to say it.

    I’m just going to tell you because I know He will not leave me alone until I do. Think what you want. I know He loves you so much and He loves me too so if you don’t want to be friends, I won’t mind. But I will continue to pray for you because you are amazing and I see you as a princess. I look up to you – you’ve struggled like my mom. SO many things that have happened to you, my mom went through as well… I am a child of rape. I feel like I remember a lot of what happened to her when she was pregnant with me. I don’t know how, but my soul felt it. ALL. My mom had a miscarriage from another relationship. She felt nothing. She didn’t want that baby. I think I had one last year. Together we cried about our lost children. Her remorse about not wanting her baby and mine because I had stopped taking an important supplement that was supporting my progesterone without thinking it would harm the baby – duh. We cried and talked. We came to the conclusion that whatever love we could have given to the babies we lost can be given to the children we can touch right now. So instead of becoming bitter, we can feel like we are still nourishing our babies somehow. Of course we will never forget our babies in heaven.
    Anyway, that’s not even what I was going to tell you.

    He wants you to know this. I don’t know if I’m gonna say it right. And I honestly don’t want anyone else to read this because I don’t want to be judged either. Of course I can’t prevent that and I’ll take whatever reprimands come my way. Just hear me and take it how you want to. If you don’t want it, that’s fine. Please don’t be mad.

    The blessed mother, who really is all that and a bag of chips, IS our mother. She loves you more than you could ever know, and you most certainly can pray to her. She is the part of the “Family”, right? The Queen of Heaven. She is blessed among women so she is like, mystical. Not a normal person, don’t you think God could do that? Make a beautiful holy woman His bride, His Queen, our Queen, our Mother? Anything is possible to Him.

    I’m so sorry! Please read the rest.

    This is the last thing. When Jesus was preaching, he would speak in parables – Remember when he said “you must be born again”? Well the question was “I must be born from my mother’s womb again?” He was like, “No. You must be baptized to be born again.” Sorry for the awful paraphrasing, I don’t have a lot of time to find the actual scripture at the moment. Basically if they misunderstood, he would clarify exactly what he meant.

    Ok so to the point,
    When he was at the Last Supper he said (again, paraphrasing), “This is my Body, This is my Blood” “Eat my Flesh, Drink my Blood.” When the apostles asked what he was talking about – they didn’t understand. He did not clarify. He was being literal. He meant that when you drink/eat his blood/body, you are drinking/eating his blood/body. Transubstantiation. When you take this sacrament, you are literally in union with Him and Heaven for 10 minutes. He remains in you, you in Him.
    Those arms we as women long to be held in, it’s happening. I understand its hard not to see Him and feel Him. I have cried because I did not have a father all my life and I had to put up with the fact that I was not being held by arms that I could feel! No one could see my Daddy- I couldn’t even see Him! But that’s not entirely true. This is as close as it gets for now, Ava. It’s good to know we CAN be physically united with Him somehow. That’s His gift to us. Because He died for our sins, we get that special union with Him that we need sooooo bad. He knew the world was going to be this hard and this evil. The blessed mother intercedes for us with her prayer, the more we pray the rosary and meditate on Jesus’ life through it, the more souls we save. She, and the rosary, are the shorter, easier ladder to Heaven.
    The Eucharist is our direct connection with Heaven and our comfort. And we get to look right in His eyes during Adoration. Let me tell you, He’s beautiful.

    My dear Ava, I’m so sorry to place this on you. I feel like a loser. I know you’ll read it however you will. I’m ok with that. I’d feel like a bigger loser if you were in fact Catholic. Maybe He just wants you to think about all of this.
    You said in a comment that you need desperately for people to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
    You prayed for it. God asked me to tell you what you need to hear. I said no. But how can I refuse God? I know that I am also accountable for “all I have failed to do” and I can’t let this be another thing I didn’t do for Him.

    One more I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you if I did. I’m gonna close my eyes and press post.

    Love and prayers,

    Joanna

    • Beloved Joanna,

      No baby. That was between me and you. And you know, when I wrote that today about the Virgin Mary, I had this unsettling feeling. I have been really depressed lately…and now it just seems like I’m getting angry and mean.

      I’m not just saying this to appease you… I’m a woman with strong opinions, but “honestly” you convicted me when I read your reply. You’re not crazy, God was speaking to you…and through you he just spoke to me. Wow. What a trip.

      Joanna I miss my mother so much it hurts. I was going through some of her pictures today and it just plain hurt. Her death seems to surreal.

      I messaged my ex-boyfriend mother this freakin’ “novel” last night trying to reach out to her. I was just so trying to connect to my mother. And wouldn’t you know it, she didn’t even have the decency to reply to me. Not a single, solitary word. It strung.

      OK…so I believe in intercessory prayer! I never thought of her as “MY” mother figure who could be intercessing for me now. And another things, when you wrote something about doing the Rosary thing and “meditating” on Jesus. Wow again. This is an area I’m really struggling in. I talk, talk, talk all the time. Mental chaos is no stranger to me. Maybe if I had a Rosary I could meditate on Jesus AND feel connected to a mother. Does that sound loco? I hope not.

      Have you ever watched the movie, “Under the Tuscan Sun”? Well, I have seen it multiple times, but I just watched it again the other night. The Holy Mother plays a significant, yet quiet role in the movie. I’ve seen this movie a dozen times but THIS time I felt some kind of “something” going on between me and the Virgin Mary. Hmmmmm…..

      We have so much to talk about. My email is confessionsofababymama@live.com. Please email me so we can chat some more….in a more private manner.

      Just know this, I don’t know you, but I love you already. THANK YOU for taking a chance on me. You don’t know how much your words mean to me. I am going to think about your words….and pray about them….and then maybe we can continue our conversation tomorrow. I never went to bed last night. I’m delirious. I have to “make” myself go to bed now….

      Let me know once you read this reply and then I’ll delete all of our conversation.

      Thank you for risking your heart for me. Thank you so much.

      All my love,
      Ava
      xoxoxoxoxoxo

  7. I think everyone looks for a way to handle what life deals us. If you’re a giving person by nature, you find a way that is healing for yourself because you know it will eventually benefit those who mean the most to you. For others, who are “takers” and not “givers,” it’s a matter of making others a victim. I am happy for your ability to hang on to your core values and character in spite of being challenged by people who were looking for victims. As a humor columnist, I channel my life’s frustrations into something positive and try to help others do the same with laughter. I applaud your strength, your voice and willingness to include your feelings about Christ in your writings in a way that is real. Cheers to you, Ava!

  8. Hi Ava, you are right, your faith defines you, not your past. You are defined only by what you do in the next moment, and the one after that. You are on the right path with Jesus. Love, Dennis

    • That’s funny that you wrote this because I was “just” thinking about you. Your words mean the world to me. They really do. I am also a fan of you and your fabulous blog.

      I wish that I would write so much more than I do… I love to write, but lately I feel somewhat paralyzed…like I can’t just seem to make myself do the things I need to do.. things that are good for me, that is. And do you ever wonder if anyone gives a rip what you write?? I do! lol! Uggghhh! Plus, I tend to only write when things are “challenging” in my life, which makes me feel like all I do is bitch and complain! Regardless, I truly love the people who read because I know they’re reading for me.. And I glean such love and support! I am so grateful. And I’m grateful for you, beloved.

      xoxo,
      Ava

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