Daily Archives: June 30, 2012

A Blow-Up Doll With Manners and a Sensitive Side?

Standard

I swear on everything that “Ive seen it all.”  As I was checking my email today I came across a Groupon for the neoteric “Boyfriend or Girlfriend Snuggle Pillows”.  The manufacturer of the pillow boasts that, the “snuggly arm pillow emulates the feeling of cuddling a sleeping companion without the snoring and tossing.  Really?  What about breathing?  I personally like it when my snuggle bunny inhales and exhales a few times during the night.  Also, a pulse is kind of sexy too.

So, I suppose that this is the nicer, more gallant/proper version of a good old-fashioned blow-up doll!  I guess these cuddle bugs will not only hold you in their corpse-like “arm”, they will stay the night as well!  If only the damn thing could serve its companion breakfast in bed!

If you think I’m kidding come in closer for a few tantalizing visuals…

No head, missing an arm, no “goo goo”, and no legs. Never has being held by half a decapitated torso been so emotionally fulfilling!
Looks like “Mama” might like to give a little spanky-spank! Who’s been a bad boy?
Yeah, it’s got some dirty pillows to rest your naughty head on!
“Dirty Bastard! Are you fondling my breast?!”

Now I get that we all have needs, particularly us gals.  But come to think of it, I’ve never heard a man tell me he “just needs to be held”.  However, I respect that the demented soul that invented these “gentle lovers” had the moxie to target both a male and female audience.  Will this be a hit sensation?  I don’t know…but I’m NOT willing to spend $20 (Groupon or no Groupon) to find out!

I consider myself to be a kind, compassionate woman who is “very” in touch with each and every one of my many complex  feelings and flowery emotions.  However, not only would I not be caught dead with one of these, I would laugh my fool ass off at “any” person who kept company with one…even if it was just a one-night stand!  In short, I feel traumatized and altogether flabbergasted!

 

Oh, and to be fair to the  life-partner pillow people, I thought I’d go ahead and bust out with the prices and list of INCREDIBLE features (GAG)!:

Boyfriend and Girlfriend Arm Pillows

Microbead- or polyester-filled men’s or women’s torsos and arms embrace whoever snuggles into the Boyfriend or Girlfriend Arm Pillows. The pillow provides a sense of comfort during winter nights or roller-coaster drops, and keeps dreams from being interrupted by snoring or tossing. The machine-washable body pillows can also function as a neck roll or be used to beat back a single bogeyman who emerged from the closet with a dozen dead roses.

Features
  • Soft polyester- or microbead-filled arm pillow contoured like a man or woman’s torso
  • Boyfriend pillow includes removable microfiber shirt for quicker washing and pinup-calendar shoots
  • Makes a perfect snuggle pillow
  • Dimensions for the microbead Girlfriend arm pillow: 18” x 14” x 4”
  • Dimensions for the microbead Boyfriend arm pillow: 17” x 15.5” x 6”
  • Dimensions for the fiberfill Boyfriend pillows: 22″ x 20″ x 4″

The Deal

  • $20 for a microbead Girlfriend arm pillow ($29.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $39.90 total)
  • $20 for a microbead Boyfriend arm pillow ($34.95 list price) plus shipping ($7.95 value; $42.90 total)
  • $25 for a fiberfill Boyfriend pillow ($44.95 list price) plus shipping ($9.95 value; $54.90 total). Choose from the following color options: blue, yellow, red, or black.

-Ava

Aside

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. –Genesis 50:20

I received a message from a long, lost friend via Facebook.  My friend is someone who I have known since 1998.  God bless her soul, she has struggled with severe mental health issues for as long as I’ve known her.  Her suicide attempts have been far too great in number as have her hospitalizations.  When my precious mother, who is pictured above, took her own life in August of 2001, my dear friend was constantly and unselfishly by my side.  She was even by my side when others had gone.  As a matter of fact, I remember my friend being in the house alone with me after my mom had passed there; we were cleaning things out and preparing for an estate sale.  I know she was traumatized by the event, but still–she remained by my side.  Of course, she was at the viewing and the funeral.  It was a simply tragic and devastating time for us all.  And to boot, my mother loved my friend very much and always expressed to me how she was so incredibly worried about her.

 

So last night, out of the blue, my friend contacts me and wrote the following:

 

“Just wanted to let you know, in case you ever wonder what the purpose of your mother’s death was, her committing suicide saved my life. Once I saw what it does to those left behind, I knew I couldn’t do that to people I cared about. This is something I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I wasn’t sure that you would want to hear it.”

 

When I received the message I had been quite depressed and was not in a healthy place emotionally due to other life circumstances.  However, receiving this message made me feel like the Hand of God had just come down and touched me.  What’s more, I can testify that my mother saved my life as well.  

 

I had been a stripper, addicted to cocaine but had just started back to school full-time, as a single parent.  After the death of my mother, I told myself that I could go one of two ways.  I could have tried to mask the pain with drugs and alcohol and  risked losing my soul completely.  Or, I could honor her in her death.  

 

I was an incredibly at risk teen, therefore I don’t know how I even managed to graduate high school.  However, after she passed I was enrolled in college a week and a half later.  I became President of my Honor’s Society that semester and began writing for my school’s newspaper publication.  I was a National Science Foundation Scholar and studied with the Honor’s college abroad in Greece.  I could have never accomplished such things without the inspiration of my darling mother.  

 

So the point is, that what Satan wills for harm and disaster, God wills for good.  He was glorified even in the depths of my own personal hell.  I will praise Him all the days of my life.  

 

My mother served and inspired so many while she was living, and it warms my heart to know that the ripple effect continues on.  She died believing she was a failure, but in reality she left a legacy of people who are better today just for having known her.  God only knows where her beautiful influence will stop.  I’m proud of my mother.  I dream about her incessantly.  Sometimes God doesn’t allow us to know why we have to experience such agonizing pain in life; but sometimes He does.  He did in this case.  Love never dies…it just grows stronger.  Those who have gone before us become interwoven into the tapestries of our souls.  Keep praising the Lord.  Praise Him through the rain.

 

All my love,

Ava

God Uses EVERYTHING For His Glory–Even Suicide.